Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
