When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
