I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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