4 words: hood of his car
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
