I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
