Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
