is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
