Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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