Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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