i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
