she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
