you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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