Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
