I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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