so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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