508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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