If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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