do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
