I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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