Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
