so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
