Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Boobs are out for the taking
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
