dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
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