I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
