Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
