you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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