1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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