The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
