Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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