hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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