Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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