Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
