I think I am morally bankrupt
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
