My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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