is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
