Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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