Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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