I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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