OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
