my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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