in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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