no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
