Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
