I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
