i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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