Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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