Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
