My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
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Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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