Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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