Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
