I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
