I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
