he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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