We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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