i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize