i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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