...so i touched it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
