Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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