Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
