John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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