and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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