so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
