I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
