Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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