Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
