Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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