All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
