Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
