somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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