kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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