I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
