Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
