she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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