I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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