wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
birth control should be required to get into college
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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