Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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